Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
