already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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