I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
