my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
