Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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