Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
