loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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