he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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