Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
porn star boner night. come get it.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
