I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
