They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
