I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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