Acid is not a monday night drug
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You are a genius and a whore.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
