sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
