whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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