Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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