I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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