Who wears a wallet chain?!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
