so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
