I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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