i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
