This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
