somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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