got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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