How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
