Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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