I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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