I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
