I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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