the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
