Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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