are you still at the devil's house?
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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