Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
where are my eyebrows?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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