I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
