you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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