You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
