You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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