No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
