I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
