First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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