defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
