P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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