Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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