he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
