maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
