Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
