Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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