Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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