I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just invented taco cereal.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
