don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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