I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
