but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
