Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
