My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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