I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
we should paint friendship bongs
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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