sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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