I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
do nipples grow back?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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