As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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