tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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