it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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